Sigh.

Oh god. I'm just stressful of everything.
The college, family, social.
Am I choosing the wrong way?
Or I'm thinking the wrong way.
I'm eager to change myself.

Don't know. Maybe everything will be different after the school starts.
Pls, think positively.

Omg tmr

Uhh. Omg. Tomorrow's orientation.
Hope it's feel good in the college. T________T
I'm nervous and worried.
Gonna prepare some funny photos to laugh there? lol.

Mixed

Depressed.
Worried.
Nervous.
Happy.
Glad.
All mixed.
Whataya want from me.
I'm exhausted.
But I won't choose to yield.
Thank you, for me to be stronger, and sad-er.

Recently, the dream is so weird lol.
One of them was, I saw all my friends and my seniors and teachers.
And I was crying in the whole dream.
Feel very very depressed.
It's not good to wake up after such a dream.
Although I should be happy seeing all of them. But it's not real what.

Yesterday, birthday surprise for my bii Shaly is totally successful ! :)
And finally we four gather again :') I will miss you all very much.
Happy birthday to you <3 wish your dream and wishes come true ! X))

And I got a new laptop today ! :D
Dell, using windows 8.
Appreciate it T v T although a bit troublesome.

Anyway, I will just continue my journey.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Tough to me, but with loves I think I will be alright. Hope so. :)

今天一记

果然，心情好看什么都是光亮的。
今天有点up。:) 心情起伏很大厚。=.=
天气凉凉的关系？还是练琴最久的关系？哈哈。
希望一直持续下去。

想完成事情。
想让自己的生活更丰富充实一点。
还有，hope to live my life with missions and aspirations. And confidence. :)
不会翻译，哈哈。
可能开学了就好多了吧？
明天就是决定性的一天了。XD 加油！

人生要有个寄托和动力。
佛法是我的寄托和启发，韩国综艺、戏、偶像和家人朋友都是我的动力。:)
最主要还是综艺节目哈哈XD

还有，有兴趣和热忱是很好的事情。
像我哥哥，他最近对脚踏车很有兴趣和热情呢。@@
做自己喜欢做的事情是很开心的。X)
我也要找出我的兴趣。音乐、运动、食物、等等。:9

做家务，读书，看戏，练琴，所有所有。
天气凉的话肯定很乐意做的XD
哈哈。

有点害怕。可是最重要还是活在当下，还有感恩吧。
凡事尽力就好。:) 很多事都不尽人意。
一切随缘吧。
看得开的话，每个人的心都是自在的啦。
人嘛，让自己开心吧。
加油！
(>_<)/

Fire

Guess what, I slept at 6am in the morning lol. -.-
Feel so unsafe. Hehe,
Tonight have to sleep earlier. Maybe?
Lol.

As you said my things are not related to you. Fine.
Your things are not related to me, as well.
And you don't know me at all.
I wouldn't ask for your help if I have the ability to do.
But now, even I'm helpless, won't even ask you a bit.

Muscle

First time muscle pain until the arm will be painful when straighten my arms.
"little mouse" in my arms now hahahah XD
I thought I didn't use too much energy yesterday?
:3 Huhu

Just hope my arms and legs will be more stronger, but not become too "thick" larh lol.

Im so sorry but I love you dagajimaa

Before he passed away, I still can find him whenever I want in those events.
Now, I could only walk around without a targetted spot.
He was like a harbor. Made me feel safe. And now I have to find my place myself.
Lol. Failed to cut out emo from my brain ahha.

Wake up early - Event !

Woohoo. tired !
My hands are hardly able to lift now lol.
Today morning woke up at 6am and went to smjk (c) yu chai.
(The campus is just so big and functional lol. Have mini fountain somemore. )
To help out in the event, Go Go Green !
I was in secretary group.

Felt fresh in the morning although a bit tired.
In the morning, we welcomed the people and helped them to make registration for doing the thousand people aerobic dance and getting a T-shirt and handkerchief.
We screamed for promoting lol and joked around haha.

The sun was shining straight towards us and finally we can get into the hall when the aerobic dance started.
Actually dance for two songs only and kept playing with a huge ball called "Earth".
I have no chance to even touch the ball /-\
The emcee in the hall syok sendiri hahaha.

After that we did jobs like giving booklets, stamps for the station point, giving out gifts, chatting and sitting there leisurely, and sometimes watch performance in the hall and eat and walk around. XD
12pm we danced in front of the canteen and the crowd didn't give any reaction as if we were weirdy. =_____= so cold la.
When coming to the end of the event, we spent all our coupons, we became busy in packaging the gifts and gave to other volunteers, tidy up, carried and arranged the primary students' desks (have to arrange them according to numbers example: 1/8 =.= mental and physical exertion.)

It's a nice day. :)
Able to work with groups of friends, serve and give service to the people. And Including hearing thank you from an adorable polite little boy X) hahaa.
Have to be grateful ady. Lol.
sometimes not eloquent enough. Just have to be brave and free. Take a step infront first. Open your heart. And be free from burden after the event ended, just put down everything.
Situations never be so terrible as we thought. :)

And it's meaningful to become a volunteer. Although tired. :X
Hope can be like that too in the next event ! And getting better. Hmph. Really hope so...
But somehow, a bit fish. Lol.

Books shopping and nice foods :3

Hahaha. Today went to leisure mall for spending the RM200 voucher for books.
Although a bit uneasy, but still did some reading in the bookshop.
Read books about positive thingy lol.
Like, your mind attracts things. Example, you think positively, positive things that you want would be attracted to you lol.
And whatever things which is so positive larh.
Think positive ! :3 and live your life happily.
Don't label anything with good and bad. (except those things who are really bad lar)
And something like when you are facing the crowd or socializing, have to make your mind overcome the stress and fear automatically.
Do something you like the most.
Just, positive larh. /-\ hahaa.

Bought one of my favourite author, Wan Wan's new published comic book. And 高木直子's comic, Nick vujicic's book and an inspiring book lol.
(I realized my passion towards books has decreased. Or it's just me who feel tired? T - T)
I want to buy more books, one of them is the mediterranean cookbook, but can't, next time then ! :3
Well, Brother bought some comics, classic guitar tutorial book and others.
Mommy bought some books about health and food.

After that, we went to eat korean dinner ! :9
Which I was cravings for and waiting for so long time.
Bibimpap for me and my mom, jji gae for my brother.
I like kimchi and jii gae :9 yumm.
Next time hope to go to the korean restaurant which is located opposite ampang point there.
Or I can try to cook myself at home? XD but make kimchi and gochujang is a problem. XD

Btw, I think my ipad began to have some problems. :S
Hope it is the ipad's own problem @_______@

So that's my day ! Have a nice day. ;)
Hope everyday is a nice day !

:')

I miss my daddy so much. :')
Today (12am ady) is the 100th day he left us.
I have to wake up earlier than usual to offer a sacrifices to him.
Regret of didn't take many photos with him.
I focussed on my things too much during these years..

I won't left out any things about him after he left.
Including his message drafts in his phone, every photos with him, his likes in facebook, his words, and the memories with him during these 17years and 7 days.
Wow, the memory is powerful that when it comes up to my mind, tears drop immediately, lol.

I would like to note down our memories, cause I'm scared that I would forget in the future..

He taught me to memorise and recite 论语，大学，唐诗, and I forgot everything ady now lol.
Since I started studying in kindergarten, he brought me to school everyday.
He was a teacher in morning session so he hugged me who was still sleeping into the car.
He accompanied me to do homework and study until late in the night. And answered my questions.

I followed him to the school..
And also to the stage and gave him flowers (or accepted flowers from other ppl lol not sure) during his retirement ceremony.
He fetched us everywhere. Travelling, eating, shopping...

So regret, on didn't concern and do much things for him, seeing him so suffered in last few years until he passed away, even ignored and feel not pleasant of his action sometimes.
(So I also don't know how to do with my mom.. She is the only one who love me the most beside papa even sometimes not in the right way lol. )

His voice, his everything, just became past and memories.
I was so rely on him. Maybe it's not a good thing.
And now I have to rely on myself.

Keep him deep in my heart forever and ever.

Positive?

Hmph, let's stop something negative, and think something positive?
There's nothing perfect in this world.And we don't have to pleasure everyone in this world.(But I don't want to have enemy though.) We don't have to make friends with everyone in this world.People have different personalities.
And some people can't match and some can. (what is this english =-=)
I believe in fate.

I know. Yeah. Be a cool person. :)(but still upset hahaha.)
And accept that I am not sociable. Don't ask me that did i thk that i am sociable before /-\
But I am friendly :目 say hi to me. LOL.

Nothing's easy in this world ! Begin to accept challenges. I can change, at least I want to. Anyway, I have opened a new blog lol. pink rose X)
And I want to change this blog name. Change to a sweet one :3 or tasty one. Lol.
Or a meaningful one.
And I would try not to write something only about myself.
Maybe anything about me. And I think after school starts I would have lot of things to write.
But will be busy /-\ and having two blogs.

Found nice quotes!
From my best friend's idol, Albert Einstein. :)

Just, get bored

Just get bored with life and people.
I don't know it's me or what, everything's not going smoothly.
People, Things, My mind, Matters, And else.
And I just can't bear with this life.

People who had fun together long time ago, now can't even say "Hi" to each other.
Is it my problem? Am I being hated by most of the people around me?
People would not know they could make someone be upset because of their unintentional action.
Don't know what to do. Maybe we are just being shy. Lol.
but why to me?

Maybe I should just forget and take no notice of it and appreciate what I have now.
I just cannot be reconciled and always think negatively. Like purposely making myself down? Lol.

People always care their own feelings and things.
Yea I am not excluded in them.
But somehow people didn't realize this phenomenon.

I wonder why people could ignore or hate someone so easily. So I don't really like to ignore people except they are really too annoying.
and being sooo careful when meeting people. maybe that's the point lol.
Maybe I should just, "if you don't like me just get out of my way. " lol. So cool.

Family. I just don't want to say it out here.
Every family has happy moments and also problems.

Get bored with just being at home,
get bored with hating myself,
get bored with being indifferent and ordinary,
get bored with just stay quiet in the crowd,
get bored with being timid with people,
get bored with this real world,
get bored with being ignored,
get bored with dealing with people,
get bored with upset because of other people,
get bored with entry and exit of people in my life,
get bored with caring others' opinions about me,
get bored to be good and positive,
get bored to achieve anything, get bored, get bored, get bored.

(Sorry if you are getting bored with me lol.)

But, what to do, I was born to this world. I have to live. And I can't control everything in my life.
Sad case.

Maybe I was thinking too negatively? lol Maybe I should take a rest.
WATCHING VARIETY SHOWS AND ELSE ARE THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS EVERRRRRRR! ♥

Recent life, is a LOL

Hi there.:) Lol I realised that I have not been writing english post for a long time.
Recently, so many negative post in my blog.
I'm just too honest to express out my real feelings haha.
Guess what, I have just woke up.
Never eat anything, never change and wash, just sitting here facing ipad. (need a laptop seriously T-T)
This routine repeats everyday. /-\ not healthy right, i know, will change, but don't know when.

Lately, keep finding job with Elaina. Everyone needs money!
And last time the job offered in Midvalley asked us to go to interview immediately at night lol.
Ridiculously, we went to Midvalley. By LRT and Commuter.
This is the first interview in my life!

It was just terrible. I stammered and keep repeating the same thing, lol.
The interviewers sat there like a boss and looked at us with lc expression, in a cafe. =-=
I was too nervous. And one thing that is I don't really want to do this job because the jobplace is too far, that I wanted to tell that person straighforwardly.
But it's just too impolite or weird right, spent 1 hour to go there and tell the person "I don't want to work for you!" hahaha.
Anyway, as expected, I failed. Heehee.
Bad experience. Next time, must be prepared and go.
(but I don't think I can prepare anything though, presentation? =____=)

Happily ! My spm result made me earn some money, from some society.
Feel glad that I could earn money using that result, lol. O-O

Btw, everyone's just paying attention to their own things.
K fine, I just do so too.
I have lot of things to concern about, lots of things to do, lots of things to face.
Know it's tough. But no way to hide from it.

What to say? Life is tough, but you have to enjoy it. (?)
What makes me feel tough is all about making choices and accept the truth.
Struggled between alevel and stpm. =-=
Save some money and take a risk? Or just ptptn in the future. But even ptptn is not enough to pay that money in private university.
No ideaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Gone crazyyyyyy.
Why I didn't save money for my education. SOB SOB T-T
Btw, tarc already offered me to alevel. Don't know larh. My mom told me just go for alevel as I have been offered.

Anyway, just stop here, or my stomach would be sick.
Buhbyeee. :) Have a nice day.
FREEDOM needed! T___________________T

接受自己，靠自己，站起来。

不能勉强

忘记了感恩，忘记了世界上没有完美这两个字，忘记了关心人，忘记了坚强，忘记了我们都需要关心，忘记了是自己在控制自己的情绪和人生，忘记了自信。 忘记了好多事情。:) 我很脆弱，很容易寂寞，很容易讨厌自己，渴望别人的关心。 很希望在别人面前好好哭一场，被人安慰，而不是一个人躲在自己房间哭。 可是我知道要靠自己，不想麻烦人，也不想把自己的负面显现出来，想让人觉得我是个富有正面能量的人。 所以也不断否定自己，渐渐失去了自信。 我知道，我要正面一点。 我不想勉强自己开心起来，也不勉强别人来了解体谅我的心情。 只有努力吧。 该珍惜的好好珍惜，不该的就忘掉，对自己好一点，接受自己。 也不想把自己逼到角落。不过，就是不知道该怎么办。。 觉得这个世界很现实。 而且全部人包括我自己也是只在意自己的感受，在意自己的事情。很不健康啊。。 不过能怎样，只能接受，因为我们活在这样的世界。

真的很想告诉自己，不要管琐事，站起来，振作点，靠自己去做自己要做的事，把寂寞失落抛诸脑后，是啊，太难了。

正在，走着，过去。

我知道，我知道要开心一点。 我知道要想好的方面。 我知道要积极。 我知道要坚强。 并且我也在努力当中。 我希望变得更成熟。 我希望变得更好，希望变得自己能接受的自己。 一切都需要时间。 等伤感慢慢淡去沉淀在内心， 等心变得更强大， 等自己能把自己撑住。 要接受现实，享受人生， 不管遇到什么，只有自己的乐观可以救到自己。 一切都靠自己选择。 有时身不由己，但是日子只能这样过下去。 没有人阻止得了你伤心或开心的生活，只有自己能决定自己的方向。 现在很寂寞，很需要人关心，但是不想打扰别人，包括所有人。但是有时还是忍不住找人哈哈。 有时我们会埋怨，有时我们会寂寞，有时我们会痛苦，有时我们会悲观，有时我们一瞬间会变乐观， 当然有时会快乐， 都是外面发生的每一件事情影响自己的内心。 人要找方法发泄自己。我还没找到自己能发泄的管道，只有哭完好像会舒服那么一点点。 总之，生活还是这样过下去。 我不会选择放弃， 我知道坚持和撑住是不容易的事情。 但是，这是个过程。 就让一切顺其自然吧。。。 也许要学习一个不为自己的人吧。:) 因为所有人包括自己都只在照顾自己的情绪，所以每个人都好寂寞。。如果每个人都关心每个人，不就好了吗？还是我太天真？ 真心希望，一切都会变好。 也希望，不会失去笑容。 想做个乐观的人。:)