只能望着窗外的天空

星期一又有两科考试了。还坐在这里真是有点不实际。
不想读书啊。
没有试过心情这么糟还要逼自己读书的。
越来越憔悴了。
身体也越来越差。我到底干了些什么。=.=

很想写小说。
很想去没有人认识的地方。
静静地生活就好。
当然都只是美好的想像，现实根本不可能。
而且会受不了一个人的生活吧。
不过在那儿应该也可以认识很多人。

第一次这么不想把书本拿起来，不想去学校。
以前中学时期至少会期待一下，跟朋友一起玩，一起开玩笑，然后幼稚地笑个不停。
虽然现在也是有啦，感觉不同了，要顾及很多事情。
以前认识的senior们也慢慢失去联系了。那时跟大家也没有建立好友谊。

本来就不擅长交际。

好啦。不想这么多了。
坚强，就算失去关心，失去勇气自由。

Sigh

Don't know. I just want to write something.
Tomorrow's the first sem examination, quite important.
Really pressurised for maintaining the scholarship.
GP essays I'm really worried. I don't have much thoughts to write.
And my grammar is okay but not really good also.
Tomorrow have to think about 4 main points for one essay T T
Really long time didn't take serious examination already, very nervous.
I also hope not to care about everything and just study. But somehow......

I miss papa. I know it's not the right time to think about this.
But I really miss him. When I was taking exam in the past, he was the one who always accompany me or encourage me.
Now I don't know what to do......
Everything is just not right. Or it's just me who think too much?
I shouldn't think so much and just do what I can do and what I want to do?
But I care about everything...
And, there is nothing could make me feel happy. Why?
After had fun with friends, the feelings still down.
Life is meaningless now...
And, I need freedom...
And I need someone to talk...

I know my health become more worse and worse day by day...
I know I should take care of myself and become stronger and happier...
But how? It's so hard.
I have tried. I have tried to be optimism. Many times.
Okay, I will try to take care, but how about mentally.
How could I find something to divert my attention towards everything or motivate myself?
What should I do... papa...
It gets more harder and harder when growing up.

Maybe I should try again. Try to think positively.
Or don't care too much. Or just take everything easy.