爸，我好想哭。
我找不到快乐。虽然我知道它跟着我们。
尤其是在家。是，我们物质上都还好，算是幸运了。
可是我们好像没有了心灵上的交流。
我不喜欢待在家。
虽然在外面也找不到快乐。
到底是因为束缚还是我的问题？
我可以逃出这个世界吗？
我也不想不开心，可是，真的找不到值得开心的东西。
也许你会觉得我不感恩，可是，我还是很想哭。

Burnt

You wanna control me in your safety zone.
I gonna tell you, one day,
I will fly away.

It's just life.

Lol the pointless two weeks holiday started. 

I really don't like to stay at home though. 

But I don't want to have class either. 

I think I have list of things to do. 

But I don't really have the heart to do it. 

And I keep delay it. 

except this week sunday I will go take undang exam. I can't procrastinate anymore.

Life not sad, but not happy either, for me. 

Hope something could delight me up. although just a lil bit. 

And please don't disturb my mind. 

Really suffering in sleeping nowadays. 

Not insomnia, but so tired even after sleep. 

Positive energy, where are you? 

Become better !

Constantly being ignored hahaha.
Just used to it lol.
Though I don't like negative thingy.
So I really want to change my eyes and mind into positive mode !
Any negative comes, just neutralise it ! Lolll.
And, no nid try to make everyone likes yourself and don't care all the opinions towards you.
If ppl ignore, then I'm the one who take the action lorh.
This called positive !

I know when I am not fine, I don't have the ability to help others too, my family, my friends.
Somehow many things disturbing my mind my mood.
Seeing ppl unhappy, I'm also unhappy...especially mommy, and my friends.
I know I'm not good enough, and I'm trying to be better, to be grateful. Please give me a chance.
Papa please give me energy. :)

But, got one thing, my mommy.
After daddy left, I really don't know how to deal with her negative feelings and else...
Sighh...

Everything's happened with a reason.
And we have to take it no matter what.
If something bad happened, just look at it at another angle or turn it another way.
I know daddy wants me to live better. :) so he always advised me when he was still here.
Ahh, and he told me to read books when I'm alone. :) Yeahh.
I forgot many things, I know, and I'm pattern!
Lol. I will always try to be better and live my life better. :)
Though many things could upset me...

Thank you everyone who loved me, or even just talked to me, including my family. :)
Thought that I'm just too weak or maybe too greedy to face all the things in life, or too terrible. Trying to be positive and be good to ppl around me.. And Feel like many problems, but I can't solve it :( or maybe i didnt put effort to solve it. Sometimes just want to give up.
Btw, just know that a hug is really powerful.

But seriously wanna shout out, really hope someone could tell me,
Everything will be alright, everything's good, take care, and give a hugss.
And will do the same to ppl around me too.
Whatever, I know I'm pattern, hahaha.
Hope Xinnee's back. The new Xinnee.

Be the best of me, not be the better of me.
Moving on. Don't look back. Okayy :) I try to get it.

Hope it lasts long larh ! Lol.
And Should post up some happy moments also. :)

只要还活着

这几天一直都睡不好。想很多。。
不懂为什么。。唉。也很压力。

当中也有想到爸爸。:) 想到就想哭。
最记得他一句话，就是天塌下来当背盖。
这句话很好，所以我也一直记住这句话。
他也说过，我很自私，不会关心周围。。
是啊。一直以来，只关心自己。。所以现在想多多关心别人。
家人，朋友。可是连自己的烦恼都这么多，唉。
发现，没有人会说，我很开心可以关心到别人，而是说很开心有几个人关心我。
也许每个人都很寂寞。
也才发现，我好懦弱。很怕对别人做错事情。也好羡慕不感觉寂寞的人。。
知道。。不要分别一些东西是好与坏，不过也要学习别人的好的。
不管怎样，爸爸，我会加油的！咬着牙也要撑过去。只要我还活着。
话不能说那么大。可是不能尽力，而是要做到。
曾经有寻死的念头，但是我不会这么傻。也不会对不起你。
希望不是努力地维持生命，而是积极的活着。