Sigh

Don't know. I just want to write something.
Tomorrow's the first sem examination, quite important.
Really pressurised for maintaining the scholarship.
GP essays I'm really worried. I don't have much thoughts to write.
And my grammar is okay but not really good also.
Tomorrow have to think about 4 main points for one essay T T
Really long time didn't take serious examination already, very nervous.
I also hope not to care about everything and just study. But somehow......

I miss papa. I know it's not the right time to think about this.
But I really miss him. When I was taking exam in the past, he was the one who always accompany me or encourage me.
Now I don't know what to do......
Everything is just not right. Or it's just me who think too much?
I shouldn't think so much and just do what I can do and what I want to do?
But I care about everything...
And, there is nothing could make me feel happy. Why?
After had fun with friends, the feelings still down.
Life is meaningless now...
And, I need freedom...
And I need someone to talk...

I know my health become more worse and worse day by day...
I know I should take care of myself and become stronger and happier...
But how? It's so hard.
I have tried. I have tried to be optimism. Many times.
Okay, I will try to take care, but how about mentally.
How could I find something to divert my attention towards everything or motivate myself?
What should I do... papa...
It gets more harder and harder when growing up.

Maybe I should try again. Try to think positively.
Or don't care too much. Or just take everything easy.